Rem-Iseul Kim

I try to observe myself.

It doesn’t feel like it “works” most of the time.

For I still mark failures. No longer on my skin like chicken scratches on a prison wall. But I still mark days as fails or successes. I move forward and backward, up and down, like the profit graphs at work. A lack of progress is really a regression. Negative progress.

This isn’t true. It’s process. I’m only backsliding when I believe I am. What comes is, is it supposed to?

Or is it denial masquerading as self-acceptance?

Like an “eco-conscious” marketing scheme?

I want to be nothing like that.

So I ask myself what I really feel in my heart.

And I still come up empty-handed.

I’ll try again tomorrow.

Thank you for reading,

r.i. kim